I Love My Baby, but I Miss My Old Life - is that normal?
Oh boy, this is very normal.
I can bet if your’e reading this, you’re a new parent. Hi, welcome. You’re a new parent and you’re somewhere between overwhelming love for your baby and grief for the life you once knew. Take a deep breath. You're not broken, selfish, or ungrateful – you're human.
The Reality of Becoming a Parent
Parenthood is one of life's most profound transitions, yet we rarely talk openly about the complex emotions that accompany it. While society celebrates the joy of new babies (and rightfully so), we often overlook the very real losses that come with this major life change.
One of my favourite mom-fluencers (@wilderbeginnings) once posted “two people were born that day and one of them was a baby” in referencing the transition into parenthood, and I couldn’t agree more. Here you are a new person, and you (temporarily) forfeited your:
Freedom and spontaneity
Physical autonomy (a big one)
Career identity and trajectory (a really big one for the birthing people in the rom!!!)
Relationship dynamics
Sleep patterns and daily routines (lol)
Social connections and activities
Grieving these losses AND loving your child at the same time isn't contradictory – it's completely normal.
Why These Feelings Are Valid
From a psychological perspective, what you're experiencing is at the intersection of ambiguous loss and disenfranchized grief – you’re mourning something that isn't completely gone but has fundamentally changed, and it’s not largely recognized by society. It's similar to how someone might grieve a loved one with dementia; the person is still there, but the relationship has irrevocably shifted. Or, grieving a breakup; the person isn’t there anymore, but the feeling of them is.
Additionally, the postpartum period brings:
Hormonal fluctuations that intensify emotions
Sleep deprivation that affects emotional regulation
Identity restructuring as you integrate "parent" into your sense of self
Social isolation that many new parents experience
So, Here’s The Thing:
Feeling this way does not mean:
You don't love your baby enough
You're a bad parent
You made the wrong choice
You won't bond with your child
You're experiencing postpartum depression (though it could be this, follow up with a counsellor!)
Moving Forward with Self-Compassion
Acknowledge the grief. Name it, be with it, allow it to flow through you. Allow yourself to mourn your old life without shaming yourself or guilting yourself. This process actually helps you move forward and embrace your new role more fully.
Create micro-moments of your "old self." Even 10 minutes of a pre-baby activity can help maintain your sense of identity.
Connect with other parents. Honest conversations about these feelings reduce isolation and normalize the experience.
Practice patience. Adjusting to parenthood is HARD and an ongoing experiment, not a singluar event. Most parents report feeling more settled around 6-12 months postpartum.
Seek support when needed. If feelings of sadness become overwhelming or interfere with daily functioning, finding a counsellor can be invaluable.
The Path Forward
Remember, you can love your baby fiercely AND miss your previous life. Both feelings can coexist in their complexity and it doesn’t takeaway from your love. You’re human.
As you navigate this completely insane transition, go easy on yourself. It won’t feel this intense forever, and you’ll find a new rhythm and new joys! Your old life may be gone, but in its place, you're building something different – not necessarily better or worse, just different.
Which is so normal, and might not be what you want to hear. A therapist can help you process. If this resonates, you’re welcome to book a consultation.
Stay brave,
SJF.
